Friday, April 07, 2006
{ 11:51 PM }
I've never been too emo or "depressed". But when it comes, it comes like the raging fury of destruction. Then again, I often wonder if I suppress these feelings too quickly and live in denial that I'm not at all "depressed".
Women do the stupidest things for the man they love. Have you not felt trapped, like you're in a time warp zone that you can never seen tro escape? Have you not felt silenced, like your opinions do not matter? Have you not felt pain, like the skin scraping kind but worse? Have you not felt useless and incapable of doing things right?
Even after so long of being with him, we seem to be going in circles. We seem to be right back where we started. I thought I could at least be a pro on mind games, guilt trips and what not but it seems as though I too have no answer.
Why is it that even after so long we just can't seem to get out
element of trust right?. We, well he actually, says "he trusts me" but does he really or are they just words? Or does he not know the meaning of the word or simply underestimates it?
I would say that he'd trust me only when he can depend on me to make good decisions without having to refer to him and depend on me to be loyal and depend on me to have a night of fun without crossing the line and depend on me to have male friends and depend on me to know what I'm doing.
The word "love" is so underrated and over used. I've seen 13 year olds telling their partners that they love them. It's sweet but again a mis-use of the word. I know I mean it when I say it. But does he know that I mean it or is he merely thinking that I'm just "saying" it. Because his actions show me otherwise.
Why should we, the women, be silenced? Why should we be controlled? If you say you trust us then DO IT.
Just trust me. Are we not allowed to have fun in the absence of our partners? We're expected to not be rude, not to raise our voices, be gentle and talk with an air of respect. But have we received that in return?
Why is it that they cannot escape?
In out moment of anger and fury, we focus too much on the bad, let us not forget the good that has been given. We cannot use the "bad" to cover up all the good that has happened, and conclude that we have a "bad" relationship. And
time and time again hope for the better. Find out the meaning of "hope", don't let it just be another word. I'm slipping, what hurts the most is you're not holding on to me.
michelle