Friday, May 19, 2006
{ 2:24 AM }
For the first time since I've been here I'm not at all keen and hyped up about going back. (I'm going back on Monday by the way, so all you lim-teh ppl please make space for me in your little schedules) It's an unexplainable, indescribable feeling.
I've always set standards for myself. A line drawn between the person I want to be, or rather the person I want people to see me as, and the person I don't want to become. So much is going on in my mind that I think soon enough my brain will explode. I am fickle, fickle as a fiddle. I am so easily influenced by people in my decision making, but I know my standards for myself will stand.
I know the line. I remind myself everyday that that line exists, that I should not become the girl me and my friends talk about, the girl that walks past us with her micromini, her heels of steel and an air of arrogance, the girl thats has the word "bitch" stamped on her forehead.
I dont know where and what this post is supposed to lead to.. but the point is that sometimes we try so hard to become someone we know we don't want to be but then are we depriving ourselves of the chance for our real innate self to show?
Really pointless, headless chicken run, wild goose chase post. Don't read it if it's irrelevant.
I watched Da Vinci by the way. The books a lot better, Tom Hanks (I feel) doesn't suit the role of Robert Langdon. I reckon the movie gives u a better understanding of the book. So yea.. but the company was great though, no doubts about that.
Big Jie I know i asked you not to watch it, but I will watch with you again ok.
I'm going home in 3 days. I don't want to face what I know I will face when i go back. I'm not ready, my thoughts are scattered, actually I don't even know where to start. I don't want to decide. I want to crawl under my blanket, scrunch up into a little ball and hibernate till kingdom come.