Wednesday, July 26, 2006
{ 2:19 AM }
For a full 5 weeks. I cannot be any more happier, minus all the studying that I have to do. My exams (yes, the real deal) are in 5 weeks. I'm on a so-called study break. It's all so surreal. I'm finishing my first year in 5 weeks.
I was rummaging the drawers of my used-to-be study table and i found not one, not two but THREE of my journals. Pages full of hand written history, compiled since 2001. Holy Jamaica! I couldn't resist reading and it was so addictive, once I started I couldn't stop. Seriously, like a good book - could not stop reading. Took me a whole forty plus minutes to browse through and stop at the ocassional interesting entry.
There were events where I rememebred them just as if they happened yesterday and some that I had completely no recollection of whatsoever but because I write in detail, I sorta insert that forgotten memory right back into my mind. And looking back, everything was so childish, so kiddy. There were entries of squabbles with my parents, holidays, a handful of embarassing moments but most of all, the joys and heartaches of all break ups and make ups.
And truly, I had a whirlwind of what I'd like to call my "love"life. It was such a nostalgic flashback, so much to the extent that I had to shake myself up to remind myself that that was all in the past. As beautiful, as fun, as romantic, as sweet and as puppy lovely it was, that was then.
I have good taste when it comes to guys for boyfriends. I scare myself sometimes. I'm kidding. But seriously, there are the few that have made an impact and have left a mark. So I salute the men who have been my Northern Stars.
And although, the online journal is a way to curb my fury to write. I still write, ocassionally in journal #4 for things more private and personal (which is not a lot also lah). And this is exactly why I do it. To, when free, look back and remember what my life used to be back in the day. Imagine me 10 years from now, reading my dust covered journals and thinking to myself holy crap I led such a complicating life of soap-opera-like drama.
There is a Chinese saying - bu zai hu tian chang di jiu, zhi yao cheng jing yong you;
translation: it matters not the duration of ownership, what matters is that *it used to be yours somewhere, sometime before. Give me a break lah you think so easy to translate things all prim and properly meh?
*note: "it" refers to everything from high school, to friends, to ex's, to growing up and everything else that currently does not come to mind.