Monday, December 04, 2006
{ 6:34 AM }
Dear Guilt,
You rob me of my insanity, you bring me sleepless nights. You over work my mind and you bring me nothing but darkness.
Without you, things would be so much easier. I would be able to make my decisions freely. You devour me whole. You're swallowing me up. I find it hard to breathe sometimes, can you give me some space? Everybody needs their space, you know.
Sure, I've hurt a few people that I love so much but nobody's perfect. Sometimes we make selfish decisions not because we want to but because that's the only way to go. If I could live my life without hurting anyone I would truly want to.
You don't seem to go away, like a dead cockroach, persistent as ever. Just go away, please.
I hate making decisions. I think that's why I've grown so
whatever. That's because I know how it feels to HAVE to make a decision but also having to think about everyone else at the same time.
Please tell me what I should do. Do I fend for myself or do I think about everyone else?
Do you do this on purpose, the tauting and haunting. I don't have a choice. If I go East I kill a soul, if I go West I kill the other. So where do I stand, what should I do?
If I listen to them, I would be depriving myself of my naturally given right to choose. Sometimes they put me in such a hard position. They don't give me a choice. I want to be strong, who doesn't, but you don't let me.
Just go away. I don't need this, I don't need you. Not this festive season, not ever.
I want to be able to move on from all my mistakes, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes.
I'm not perfect...Your tortured soul,
Michelle