Monday, January 15, 2007
{ 7:50 AM }
I've always and still believe that as long as the people that matter most to you have the right impression and opinion of you then no one else's perception of you would matter.
It's no longer comes as a surprise that me and my now ex-boyfriend have split. This is definitely no Jennifer and Brad event, nowhere near it. But as much as I don't need the approval of others, I feel a need to clarify my actions.
You know the saying "forgive and forget", I was pretty good at it, or so I thought. I've come to realise that I neither forgive nor forget the big things. The unforgiven just accumulates, and like all accumulations they eventually erupt. This holds true in my situation.
The unforgiven events shall not be named. As painful and shameful as they may be both on his part and mine, I wish to exit in the most respectable manner possible, that's just the way I am.
All the people around me who have supported me and encouraged me in the smallest possible way, I am beyond grateful. Your words, humour and spastic replies have pulled me out of the hole in which I was once so deeply buried in.
I may seem cruel and heartless but there comes a time where you want and know that you can have something better and to let it go again would be the biggest disappointment of your life.
The world may seem to come to and end, all may seem lost, there may be experiences of difficulty breathing, there may be nostalgic attacks, there may be thoughts that life cannot go on. I've learnt that they're merely post break up hallucinations caused by temporary intense emotional greif.
Human beings are not on top of the food chain because the sky is blue and the grass is green. We're survivors. In our most trying times, we're put to the test and this is where we really shine and come out stronger that before. This, I believe, is what it is for him, his trying time.
A pointless post to many who would not understand but it's an effort to justify my actions. Whether or not they become justified are irrelevant because the people I love and care for are still with me, so I suppose I'm not doing too bad not am I?