Thursday, June 28, 2007
{ 9:18 AM }
Dear self,
People say forgive and forget. I've always believe in forgiving, it brings you such liberation and places you in a class above all others, that you've got a big heart. Forgetting, I'm not so much an advocate of . I don't forget, I think remembering the hurt teaches you to be smarter, to not fall for the same trick again.
Forgiving others, it's attainable, not always easy, but attainable non the less. Here's my question. How do you forgive yourself? I've always tried to do things the right way, whatever that is. To do things that might set examples for others, to keep my conscience clear. Then again, I've done so many things wrong. I've constantly reminded myself that I'm only human, it's alright to make mistakes.
But forgivness brings closure, and now I need for you to give me the closure I need, to let me know that I'm good enough for myself. Tell me, where do I start to clear myself of all the things I've done to hurt the people I love, all the disappointment I've caused, all the hearts I've broken. They love me so much, and I can't help but feel so incompetent.
That's all in the past now, tell me how to forgive myself. How is it supposed to feel, when and how will I know that the act is complete? It's spinning a little out of control, I try to just remain sane all my days and take things one step at a time, quite a task knowing that I'm not the most patient person ever.
I don't like hurting the people I love so much, and that's just what I've been doing. How do I forgive, not her, not him or them but,
me.
Let me know, when you're ready.
p.s. You really should be sleeping. You've got to be up at 7 tomorrow. Remember how crazy it was for you today.
Good night.