Wednesday, January 30, 2008
{ 4:03 PM }
That's how I feel.
A few years ago I read my yearly predictions from the Chinese Horoscope book my family buys, not so much the fact that we obsessively believe and follow everything it says but just being, Chinese, we're minutely supersitious and wholly curious about the future. There's not much that I remember about what I've read but all I know is that rabbits (that's me in chinese horoscope language) will be welcomed in, if I'm not wrong, Cycle 8 (or some cyclical rotation), with all thing successful, career, money, health, family and funnily enough even in the love department. tsk!
Anyway, for all the positivisim that brought me, great! I'm the kind of person who reads my daily horoscope a day after, to try and pin point an occurence that could relate to my horoscope. I back track instead of trying to 'predict the future'. We, Chinese, like to believe all the good and dismiss ALL the bad via scepticism.
So far, life hasn't been a bowl of cheery red cherries or sunshiny days, especially since those are rare in this grey, gloomy island! But life has been really good to me, extremely good in fact, in so many other ways. So in many cases when people think 'Why not I?', I ask 'Why me?'. Because really, what have I done to deserve all the things that I've received. I believe in karma and you don't stand to gain good things by remaining stangnantly neutral. Good things happen because you give good. So what good have I done, I can't seem to really pin point.
Maybe the goodness that I have to act on is yet to arrive and all good things that have happened to me are like debts or is this a soul-selling deal with the devil that I've just forgotten.
My parents haven given me and my sister a lifestyle that we have no right to complain about. They've worked hard for us and I feel myself putting a lot on pressure on myself to give to them what they've given me. Even more so with graduation creeping closer. I feel that pressure, their expectations carry such great weight. I'm so afraid of not being able to give my dad a shiny white BMW 330i or my mum, barrels of Vuittons and Hermes. Materialistic as they may be, it's what they deserve for being able to accomodate my crazy spending habits and for giving me, what they think is, nothing but the best.
It's times like this that I remember how lucky and blessed I am. And it's moments like this where I miss MY home terribly, especially with Chinese New Year just around the corner.
That's how I feel.
A few years ago I read my yearly predictions from the Chinese Horoscope book my family buys, not so much the fact that we obsessively believe and follow everything it says but just being, Chinese, we're minutely supersitious and wholly curious about the future. There's not much that I remember about what I've read but all I know is that rabbits (that's me in chinese horoscope language) will be welcomed in, if I'm not wrong, Cycle 8 (or some cyclical rotation), with all thing successful, career, money, health, family and funnily enough even in the love department. tsk!
Anyway, for all the positivisim that brought me, great! I'm the kind of person who reads my daily horoscope a day after, to try and pin point an occurence that could relate to my horoscope. I back track instead of trying to 'predict the future'. We, Chinese, like to believe all the good and dismiss ALL the bad via scepticism.
So far, life hasn't been a bowl of cheery red cherries or sunshiny days, especially since those are rare in this grey, gloomy island! But life has been really good to me, extremely good in fact, in so many other ways. So in many cases when people think 'Why not I?', I ask 'Why me?'. Because really, what have I done to deserve all the things that I've received. I believe in karma and you don't stand to gain good things by remaining stangnantly neutral. Good things happen because you give good. So what good have I done, I can't seem to really pin point.
Maybe the goodness that I have to act on is yet to arrive and all good things that have happened to me are like debts or is this a soul-selling deal with the devil that I've just forgotten.
My parents haven given me and my sister a lifestyle that we have no right to complain about. They've worked hard for us and I feel myself putting a lot on pressure on myself to give to them what they've given me. Even more so with graduation creeping closer. I feel that pressure, their expectations carry such great weight. I'm so afraid of not being able to give my dad a shiny white BMW 330i or my mum, barrels of Vuittons and Hermes. Materialistic as they may be, it's what they deserve for being able to accomodate my crazy spending habits and for giving me, what they think is, nothing but the best.
It's times like this that I remember how lucky and blessed I am. And it's moments like this where I miss MY home terribly, especially with Chinese New Year just around the corner.