Tuesday, December 12, 2006
{ 7:26 PM }
I've grown to
think that I know what I want, that I am who I am, that my future, my career, my life partner, my lifestyle is somewhat fixed. But when I take the time to stop and just think, really think and imagine my future, it scares the hell out of me because it is so uncertain. Everything.
Sometimes, I do feel as if I've 'lost' myself, that I am who everyone wants me to be, expects of me. I don't know what I want, I don't know that feeling of wanting something or someone so badly that I'd do anything and everything to fight for it. I'm going with the flow, just another face in the crowd, something I've been so against my whole life. I want to be the fish fighting against the current. I need someone to counsel me, to listen to me, to be my support and tell me what to do.
I want a life that is mine, one that I do not have to care about anyone else but myself. Selfish as it may sound, I am not ready to carry the weight and responsibility of other people especially if matters of the heart are involved, as if I need another heartbreaker tag along with my name. I want a life that I can make decisions fully according to my own view, no consultations, no permissions, no curfews, no limits. I know what I want, now tell me how do I get there?